HOW FIGHTS START:

My wife sat down on the seat next to me as I was flipping channels.  She asked: "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."And then the fight started!

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said,  "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes".
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started!


LAUGHTER IS IMPORANT!  
Christmas may be over, but let's keep up the spirit!
http://www.aroundmd.com/whitechristmas/
Have a look at a Christmas link!
Since we can't control much in this world, then......... !   Christmas may be over, but let's keep up the spirit!Have a look at a Christmas link!Since we can't control much in this world, then......... 

LET US LAUGH!




           

"My name is Wilma, and I'll be taking you to your room at the

State Mental Hospital."    


       

    HOW MORE FIGHTS START:

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio,
 and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
 I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started!

I rear-ended a car this morning.  So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get sooooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it...he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car and looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
So, I looked down at him and said,  "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight got started!

I went out for a drink with Maxine last night, boy that gal is a hoot!





MAXINE'S QUOTE FOR THE WEEK:

OMG!  Do you know what the difference is between your 40 year old adult child and a stone?
 (answer)  N O T H I N G!




M O R E  F I G H T S   G E T   S T A R T E D:

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started!

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my second reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone
 at a nearby table.  My wife asked, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," I sighed.  "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we spilt up those many years ago,
and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says my wife, " Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long!"
And then the fight started!

I took my wife to a restaurant.  The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight got started.

A woman was standing nude, looking into the bathroom mirror.  She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replied, "Your eyesight is near perfect."
And then the fight started!

Maxine's advise about bad adult children:

IF YOU HAVE A JOKE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO POST ON THIS PAGE, SEND IT TO MARGUERITE DIRECTLY. IF IT MAKES HER LAUGH, IT WILL BE POSTED!   JUST SEND AN EMAIL:  marguerite@fairproductions.biz 

       
HELLO, and thank you for calling THE STATE MENTAL HOSPITAL.
        

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell YOU which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, hang up. It doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. But please wait for the beep.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry.  You won't be crazy forever..

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons. You'll just mess it up.

Sorry the therapist is not in, he is presently at the post office on a shooting spree, but will return after his 72 holding period.

Thank you, have a nice day!

        

"I think that I shall never see,
 a Goddess quite as cute as me. 
I may have wrinkles and a rose,
but I can still bend to my toes.
A rose that is so big and red,
just like my husband,
but now he's dead.
I wish I may, I wish I might ,
have that turkey
on my plate tonight!

Sometimes words are not necessary!







            OH THE JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!      
                    

With the exception of the personal property (including original writing and photos) of Marguerite A. Fair-Kosciewicz, Fair Productions owns no rights to cartoons or other photos.
They are posted on this site from public domain sources for fun and entertainment only.